Understanding and Helping Those with Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD)
People cry when they read about ADD, not because it’s so sad, but because they finally have words to 
describe their world. Learning about ADD helps them to understand why school was painful and why they didn’t quite fit the academic mold. It explains for them why they often feel both anger and shame, and think of themselves as losers, even if they are successful. And it gives them insight into why they sometimes drive those who love them crazy. Somehow just knowing that other people experience ADD is comforting-it’s always nice to know you are not alone.
So if someone you love (your child, your spouse, your friend) struggles with ADD, the first way you can help is by taking the time to understand his or her world. At first glance it seems like a motley array of experiences: creative, forgetful, unreliable, easily distracted, impatient with the ordinary, quick to start projects but slow to finish them, highly focused on certain tasks, and highly distractible on others. It is a package that tests the limits of your patience. But study them. Look especially for strengths and weaknesses that are different rather than simply wrong.
The official definition, from Diagnostic Criteria from DSM-IV (the manual listing and describing psychiatric diagnoses recognized by the American Psychiatric Association), highlights three behaviors: inattention, impulsivity, and hyperactivity. Technically, the term is ADHD (the H refers to hyperactivity). You can have ADD with hyperactivity and without it. The definitions aren’t precise, and there are no medical tests that can detect it, but some adults and children have more of these behaviors and some have less. (The complete definition of ADD from the DSM-IV is at the end of this article.)
God’s Perspective on ADD Brings Hope
Those who struggle with ADD are often discouraged and hopeless. But isn’t it true that God doesn’t view any of us as a hopeless case? No matter what our physical or spiritual struggles are, God’s work is to make us more like Jesus, and nothing, other than our own stubborn hearts, can keep us from becoming what God has called us to be. So, the second way you can encourage someone with ADD is to share God’s perspective on his or her particular struggles. The basic idea is this: all of us have some limitations, but, by God’s grace, we are all able to grow in wisdom and in becoming more like Jesus.
The Bible tells us that God made us spiritual and physical beings (Genesis 2:7). God is Spirit and we are created with a spirit. This means that at our core-in our spirits, our hearts, our souls-everything we do is related to God. We are connected to him; everything we do, say or think has to do with our relationship with God. In our hearts we are either living for God or against God. Do you live for yourself and your own reputation? Do you want more abilities so you can succeed in the eyes of the world? Do you grumble or complain? Are you quick to listen and take advice? All these questions reveal our commitment to ourselves, and the sins they expose are in all of us. The good news is that we can change, and the power to change is available to everyone. It comes not through new educational methods but through repentance, faith, and obedience.
But God also made us physical beings. He does not call our bodies right or wrong; they are called strong or weak. By design they have limitations. When you are cruel to another person your behavior is spiritual. How well you walk, do long division, follow directions, and remember details are related to your physical strengths and weaknesses. Struggling in these areas does not mean you are sinning. They are simply the result of being creatures with imperfect bodies and brains.
ADD is complicated. It includes behaviors that are expressions of our hearts (disobedience) and of our brains or bodies (attention abilities and the ability to link actions and consequences).
Physical Strengths and Weaknesses of ADD
The person with ADD, just like everyone else, has both physical strengths and weaknesses. Physical strengths might include some of the following characteristics:
- a high energy level,
- unusual creativity,
- a willingness to take risks, and
- an outgoing personality.
Physical weaknesses might include some of these struggles:
- a poor memory for the spoken or written word,
- difficulty sequencing behavior or devising steps to complete a task,
- difficulty establishing priorities,
- difficulty with sustained attention when tasks are not interesting,
- difficulty screening out irrelevant stimuli,
- difficulty judging the passage of time,
- difficulty knowing how to start a project,
- difficulty transitioning from one task to another,
- difficulty processing information when frustrated, and
- difficulty changing from one way of thinking to another.
These are just some of the strengths and weaknesses you might discover. Every person is uniquely made in God’s image so there will always be more to learn. Understanding the physical strengths of ADD can help you encourage those with ADD. They are good at some things, and hese are strengths they can build on. Understanding the physical weaknesses of ADD will help you deal more effectively with behaviors that might seem like personal affronts. For example, if your child isn’t listening to you, it’s possible that she doesn’t need discipline. She might need you to give her fewer and shorter directions and then follow up with her so she understands each step she needs to take.
The Spiritual Challenges of ADD
Now go deeper than physical strengths and weaknesses. The spiritual is our core, but it is often forgotten in discussions about ADD. This is true of every heart whether it is easily distracted or completely focused. You can tell if a problem is spiritual or physical by asking, “Does this behavior break God’s law?” If a behavior goes against what the Bible says, then the problem is spiritual. Everyone is prone to certain kinds of sins, and those who fit the ADD description are no different. They often specialize in the same spiritual problems:
- Difficulty persevering when a task is complicated or boring (Proverbs 6:6-8; 12:11; 22:29; 24:27)
- Talking before listening (Proverbs 10:19; 18:13; 21:23; James 1:19)
- Not doing what they say they will (Ecclesiastes 5:1-7)
- Slow in learning from past experiences and the wisdom of others (Proverbs 3:1-2; 12:15; 15:31; 19:20; 19:27)
- Slow in seeking advice (Proverbs 11:14; 15:22)
- Poor self-control (Proverbs 25:28; 29:11)
- Rashness and impulsivity-acting before thinking (Proverbs 21:5)
Notice that all these problems are addressed in the wisdom books of the Bible, especially Proverbs. No one is born with wisdom. Wisdom comes from God, and he shares it with us in the Bible. We learn to be wise as we listen to God in the Bible, turn from our foolishness, delight in God’s forgiveness, seek his power to change, and then carefully consider our ways.
Can you see the hope in prescribing a lifelong pursuit of biblical wisdom for those with ADD? Although they are naturally more active and less reflective, they can still become wise by studying these passages and asking the Spirit of God to apply them. Remember that God gives wisdom to those who ask with humble faith. James says “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind” (James 1:5-6). Hopeful, isn’t it? We often think of ADD as an unchangeable genetic destiny, but we can be confident that change is possible because God promises to give wisdom to those who seek it.
Apply Biblical Wisdom
So how do you help someone with ADD grow in biblical wisdom? First, you need God’s wisdom for yourself. Pray and ask God to help you know where to start. Here are a few suggestions:
- Don’t try to address all the spiritual problems you see at the same time.
- Look at the list above, and then take one biblical principle to work on intensively.
- Include yourself in your instruction. Everyone needs to grow in wisdom.
- Become an expert in the books of Proverbs and James.
- Emphasize encouragement and instruction more than punishment.
- Remember that all wisdom begins with a growing knowledge of God. So be sure to simply talk about who God is and what he has shown us about himself.
Practical Strategies
At the same time you are teaching biblical wisdom, you also need to teach practical strategies for coping with the physical weakness of ADD. These strategies are especially written for those who are parenting a child with ADD, but they can be modified and applied to an adult.
- Begin by focusing on what he or she does best. Be their biggest cheerleader!
- Offer instruction in a way that is concrete. Make it vivid, visual, and memorable. For example, instead of “stop being so distracted,” you could say “do four math problems.”
- Provide structure. Structure refers to boundaries, guidelines, reminders, and limits. It is a fence that contains and directs. Some children with ADD have a style of thinking that is chaotic and disorganized. Structure helps them by imposing external controls.
- Have clear, simple, predictable, and written household rules.
- Anticipate and work to head off problems instead of always reacting to them. If a difficult situation cannot be avoided, prepare the child to face it with prayer and practice. After the difficult time is over (homework, chores), give your child feedback so he can see his progress.
- Use “to do” lists and establish reasonable deadlines.
- Have your child do the hard task before the easy one.
- Make exercise a priority.
- Speak the truth in love to your child. Share with him when he is monopolizing a conversation; help him prioritize his day; and give him feedback on his creative ideas.
Now settle in for the long haul. Change doesn’t come quickly for any of us and you will need divine patience as you work with someone who fits the description of ADD. But don’t forget, it is God who does the work of change (Philippians 1:6).
